On a slow anger simmer

I had the last four days off and had hoped that Monday and Tuesday I would primarily be by myself. That didn’t happen and I’ve been on a consistent angry simmer for the last 48+ hours. Nothing I’ve done, or attempted to do, has gone according to any semblance of a plan I had ridiculously thought might have helped. Wanted to finally get all the taxes together and ready to mail, they’ve already been submitted electronically, just owe all around this year. Wanted to get some writing done for EPV, but my mental attitude didn’t lend itself to that either. Wanted to cut the lawn but couldn’t get the lawn mower started; think it needs a new carburetor. Needed to get the toilet guts swapped out as water is leaking into the bowl and making them run every so often; decided that would be a bad idea.

Rather than getting 5-6 hours of time to myself, to work at my own pace, I wasn’t alone except for a few hours on Monday but I was too far into the anger to have it be productive. The wife was supposed to be at her sister’s house until last night, but came home last Sunday instead because the accommodations there were hard to deal with. I get it, I wouldn’t want to stay somewhere that was cluttered and messy. Being forced to sleep on the sofa alone would have been enough for me to want to leave. The problem is that I’ve needed to get alone and work through some difficult issues and work up some plans that require focused thought to complete. My tolerance for the normal things that bother me is gone and I simmer all day on the edge of anger. At this point, short of a taking a day to myself outside of the house, I don’t think I’ll get past this overwhelming feeling.

Adding to the pressure is the fact we’re having a birthday dinner for my Mom this Saturday, at our house, with my brother in attendance. I’m off on Friday, but I already know that I won’t have any time to myself unless I just head out in the early morning and don’t come back until later in the day. That would most certainly cause more problems than it solves as I need to stay around and get the lawn taken care of. Dinner at our house means that we’re stuck with cleaning up after dinner. We’re also stuck with all the leftover food (we always have left over food) that ultimately will be lunches and dinners for the next few days into next week. I’m okay with the same thing the next day, but push it two or three then I’m just not hungry and won’t eat.

The wife is off this entire week and I already know that today and tomorrow nothing will get done. She’ll get sucked into working on something for the firehouse, doing something random that wasn’t planned, or just not have any motivation and do nothing. I’ll end up cleaning up the dishes, running the dishwasher and most likely doing the laundry. If it’s a tag team effort I don’t mind doing any of that, but when it’s me all the time because some time suck is occupying her time for days on end through the week, it quickly gets annoying. When I sit in my office or in front of the TV, I’m not just sitting there doing nothing. I’m inside my own head, thinking and processing, trying to work through anger so that I’m no longer angry. From the outside, it looks like I’m just being lazy further convincing me that her saying she understands doesn’t equal her actually understanding at all.

The next few weeks don’t tell me that I’ll have any opportunity for time to myself.

Weekend “Would You Rather?” 25

After playing an interesting round of “Would You Rather?” with the family, I thought it would be fun to get into the game of a weekly blog post.  Feel free to join in on your own blog and be sure to give an answer to the question of the week.

**I will keep these questions rated G**


good-would-you-rather-questions

Would you rather drink a bowl full of gravy

OR

Have a large spider caught in your hair?


Be sure to leave your answer (and justification) in the comments!

Three Things Thursday – 04/06/2017

three-things-thursday-badge

Inspired by Nerd in the Brain

BRING THE HAPPY!

Backyard Lake

 

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No, we can’t go swimming in that….Ew!

 

Earlier this week we had some crazy rain one day and this was the result.  Off our backyard is an overflow water retention area that collects water so that the sewer system isn’t overloaded.  When it rains hard, we get a rather impressive lake of sorts in our backyard.  The ground was so saturated that we were getting water in our sump pit that was periodically being pumped outside.  It was a really crappy day but I was happy that our sump pump was working and didn’t need to be replaced (as was the case with so much else in this house the last 10 months).  Yay for underground pumps keeping the basement dry!

Another Painting

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The wife had a bunch of friends over last weekend to have a painting party.  They get together monthly for some random activity that months host decides on and I’m happy they spend money on tangible things rather than on alcohol (which is what they used to do).  This is one of her best paintings and will certainly get a worthy spot on the wall in my office.  I’m starting to run out of wall space though, so I may need to come up with a genius plan to extend the available space so I can keep hanging her artwork.  If I ever get around to building the enclosure around the sump pit and the radon exhaust system in the corner of my office, I’ll add quite a bit of new wall space.  Motivation, where are you?

Fuzz Butt Cuteness

 

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I’m being cute.  Look!  Take my picture!

 

Our cat, Harley, was being cute again on Tuesday night.  He was even looking at me when I took the picture as if to say he knows he’s cute.  The fuzz butt was repaying me with this shot for having yacked in the only room in the entire house with carpet.  Queue the steam cleaner at 5:30am in the morning because if I didn’t clean it up, my wife would have definitely stepped in it.  I opted to clean it up as that annoyance was so much smaller than the phone call from the wife saying she stepped in it and yelling at me for not cleaning it up.  He’s almost 12 by the way, with bad teeth that cause sinus infections and weepy eyes.  Fuzz butt cuteness makes up for any frustration we have with him though.

TTT Weekly Music Recommendation

rockondaughter

Wanderer

by Red Handed Denial

This is your brain on stress

I need some downtime.  For the last few weeks, I’ve had something to do pretty much every day from the time I’ve woken up to the time I’ve gone to sleep.  It seems like months, but in reality it’s only been maybe three weeks.  The stress of going from one thing to the next has my limits being tested especially when plans don’t go exactly as expected.  I can count the number of hours of downtime I’ve had on one hand making finding a long stretch of time where I can unbind my brain that much more imperative.

The free time that I have had was used to run through the finances, complete the family taxes and creatively find funds to pay for tax shortfalls that we didn’t anticipate.  We aren’t by any means in dire straits, but don’t have too much of a cushion or emergency funds to tap into as we’ve already used them a few months back for healthcare bills.  That brings me to something that’s been on the top of my mind, healthcare.  It seems so much harder this year than in previous years as the providers are getting harder to deal with in terms of payments.  It seems being a patient for years, with not an issue with payments, has no bearing on the them forcing a $1k repayment for testing over three months is unfair.  My usual offer to pay back $100/month fell on deaf ears, to which I said I’m sending them $100/month and if they don’t like it, they can send me to collections.

The wife is going to her sisters house for a few days to help her recover from major surgery and is leaving home base in my hands.  I took two days off next week so have a 4 day weekend coming up; something to look forward to.  The daughter is quite self-sufficient at 10 now and finds things to occupy her time.  I have a few activities planned that the both of us can do of course, but they’re maybe a few hours on 1-2 days.  She also has school on Monday and Tuesday giving me several hours to myself that will be a welcome relief.  Those two days will be singing to me like violins out of the sky and I can take my time doing the few things I know need to be done.  One of them being a real overhaul of the household budget that I can really concentrate on with nothing interrupting me.

I need to have another conversation with the wife reconfirming my need for a few hours each week where I can unbind and peel off stress.  The fellow introverts out there know exactly what I’m talking about and understand.  My wife is concerned that the daughter is showing signs of wanting to be by herself more than be with friends on most days; something I said wasn’t a problem.  I was forced into social situations and was made to go outside when I was younger and I resented my parents for a long time because of that.  I told the wife its normal, to let it be, and if she starts becoming too isolated I would take the lead in helping her find a balance.  In my experience, it’s the balance that is more important than forcing one behavior or another; balance makes it good.  My wife, the extrovert, tries to understand but doesn’t have the context to truly understand.

Hope to see you again on Thursday, the wife made another painting that is now hanging in my office.  I’m going to need a bigger office if she keeps up the painting, or I’ll just have to start getting them framed and hang them up in the house.  She’s really getting good at them.  I also had a lake in my backyard for a few hours during a ridiculous rain storm that confirmed that the sump pump does in fact work as advertised.

Weekend “Would You Rather?” 24

After playing an interesting round of “Would You Rather?” with the family, I thought it would be fun to get into the game of a weekly blog post.  Feel free to join in on your own blog and be sure to give an answer to the question of the week.

**I will keep these questions rated G**


good-would-you-rather-questions

Would you rather fly on Air Force One with the President on a diplomatic mission

OR

Have a minor recurring role on a popular television show?


Be sure to leave your answer (and justification) in the comments!