My philosophy of the “middle finger”

Driving on my way to work this morning, I was minding my own business in the right lane going around the speed limit.  This dude rolls up behind me and starts tailgating me for really no reason.  No one was in the left lane and me being the smart ass I truly am, I took my foot off the gas but did not hit the brake.  Coasting down by 5 MPH, this apparently enraged the guy behind me enough to flip on his high beams.  Still no one in the left lane, I continued to slow down and refused to hit the gas.  He then pulled next to me abruptly, matched my speed, and flipped me off with an amazing display of rage and anger.  I just turned my head, made eye contact then turned back to the road as he sped off down the road nearly taking off my front bumper.

My filter stopped working the day I turned 80 homie!

My filter stopped working the day I turned 80 homie!

What is it with people where they assume they’re better than someone else?  I think he was waiting for me to move out of his way because I didn’t want to go as fast as him.  Not really sure, but perhaps I’m inferior to him because I drive a Ford or he thought his Lexus gave him the right to be an asshole.  Who knows.  I’ve had many occasions in my past where flipping the middle finger was a natural and logically appropriate action, however reactions are varied.  Some just ignore it as I did this morning.  Others are inflamed by the act of being flipped off and become pink skin rage monsters.

I recall one such occasion, several years ago, where I was being tail gated by a motorcycle and he flashed his high beam at me to move over.  Being in the “going 75 in bumper to bumper traffic”, there was little I could do.  Seriously, could he go faster in my spot than he could in the spot behind me?  Anyway, he kept flashing his high beam at me and I finally put the window down and flipped him off.  Probably not the best decision I could make, but he backed off and moved to the lane next to me.  Pulling along side, he then motioned me to pull over so we could have a chat.  Yeah, right, I know what a “chat” means.  I wasn’t in any mood to convince someone that it was a bad idea to start a fight with me.  I kept driving.

This dude, on the motorcycle, managed to get in front of me and then started brake checking.  An idiot, on a motorcycle, is brake checking a 2 ton vehicle going 70-ish MPH down the highway…  Yeah, it really happened.  Again, smartass kicking in, I slowed down a little to put some space between us and then laid on the horn.  I kept on the horn for almost a mile as the people around me figured out why I was doing it.  In the end, he finally flipped me off (driving with one hand at that point) and took off through a break in traffic.

Several miles down the road, seeing police lights, it was the motorcycle driver pulled over getting a ticket for most likely speeding.  Being in the right lane and also a smart ass, I pulled over ahead of him and got out of the car with my hands held out to my sides.  I approached the police officer asking if I could speak with him quickly.  The guy on the motorcycle muttered something to the officer as he started walking towards me.  I proceeded to give the cop the story above, full detail, to which the officer was quite interested.  He scolded me for flipping off the motorcycle guy, but acknowledged that he would most likely have done the same thing if my place.  I’m not sure if he got additional citations, but I’m sure he did.  In the end, I think I won.

I'm crazier than you are, deal with it.

I’m crazier than you are, deal with it.